New Year’s resolutions get a bad rep. The term itself “resolutions” likely brings up feelings of discouragement, frustration, and pessimism (maybe you’re thinking, “I doubt they’ll work anyway.”)
What if I told you I found a way to prep for the new year so in 366 days from now (2020 is a Leap Year), you’ll feel accomplished and proud? Before you close this article – WAIT – it’s not about exercise tracking devices or to-do lists. It’s about setting your intentions – where you intend to focus – in the coming year, and creating what I call your ‘Focus 3’.
What is Your ‘Focus 3’?
These are either major career or life focus areas, and are not the same as goals. Why? Because if your focus area is to get a job by the end of the year (more of a goal), there are many external factors (other candidates, timing of the job posting, fit with a company culture) that can prevent that from happening, even if you dedicate a year to it. If your focus area is to lose X # of pounds, you may not be able to get to that exact weight, but you may be able to reduce consumption of packaged goods and improve your nutrition and fitness. It’s more about focusing on the means than the ends.
Some examples of something in your ‘Focus 3’ might be to find your community (if you’re new to a city), to decide what job role/title to pursue, to keep online purchases to a minimum, or to keep the romance alive in your marriage. While some say you need a specific # or goal to actually make it stick, I’d argue that having these focus areas WITHOUT a specific number or goal in mind, helps you progress and reduces discouragement, or self-defeat, that may result from not achieving that self-imposed milestone.
My ‘Focus 3’
Last year about this time, I thought to myself, “I have some BIG things I want to achieve in the coming year, will I – or how will I – get there?” My solution was to define and write down 3 things that I wanted to feel I accomplished at the end of the year. So I did, I wrote them down:
1. TRAVEL – Find a time to Israel with my husband – This had been a priority for us to reconnect with our Jewish culture and we had both visited separately, but not together. In fact, we had a trip scheduled previously that we cancelled so it remained on our wish list for the past couple of years. This was a big trip and we needed to find the right time – and amount of time – when we could unplug from work to enjoy, prioritize our travel budget, and find plan our itinerary. While this was more outcome-oriented than the other focus areas and external factors could have prevented it from happening, we were able to go and had an incredible trip!
2. BOOK – Create a plan for writing my book – I have been writing a book for over 4 years, but I’ve also taken extended breaks for major life events, and when I needed my creativity to kick in. While at the time, I thought this was major procrastination on my part, turns out, letting ideas like a book, ruminate for some time, helps them develop, creates openness for new material to enter the picture, and provides clarity. In fact, Adam Grant wrote about the benefits of procrastination with creativity and calls the opposite – when you rush to accomplish something that didn’t have time to breathe – pre-crastination. For example, if I continue to go back to the original idea, I know it’s the right direction. But if, after research, time, and many conversations, I realize some elements need adjustment, then I’m glad I took that time for discovery and evolution. I am so excited about where the direction has landed – stay tuned for more info on my book in 2020!
For this focus area, I decided that while it was unrealistic to have the book completed by the end of the year, my goal was to determine my publishing route (self-publishing, hybrid publishing, traditional publishing), and find the right individuals and companies that would be a part of the team that would help me write and publish it.
3. FAMILY – Choose a direction regarding fertility and family-building. When my husband and I learned we were faced with some fertility challenges, we had a lot to learn about the many ways people create their families. This was a big wide focus area with layers of depth, facts, research, conversations with others and ourselves that challenged us, and caused us to challenge systems, processes, values, and beliefs. While we didn’t have most of the answers, this was a focus area for the year, in an effort to gather as much information as possible and choose an initial direction that would help us progress forward. (Note: While this is a sensitive topic to us and to many, if you’re in the same boat and looking to talk with someone also going through this, feel free to contact me. Education and community are so important to me regarding this personal and painful topic that is often hidden behind closed doors.)
What difference did having a ‘Focus 3’ make? Streamlining life and career energy into 3 focus areas made a significant difference. Looking back on the year coming to a close, I feel happy and accomplished, having set direction in 2 big life areas, and having taken a special trip in another. Why did this approach work?
1. Priorities. Having areas of focus meant de-prioritizing, or identifying areas where NOT to focus. There was no question as to whether or not I would make time for my ‘Focus 3’. Because I could clear the clutter on extraneous activities, and of course, I missed out on some social plans, travel, and the occasional speaking opportunity, these 3 were omnipresent in my mind and they created consistent threads throughout my year. No matter what happened at work, I would conduct research on the book before I opened my inbox. I would schedule personal family-related conversations at lunch time, and I’d plan the trip in the evenings or on weekends.
2. I didn’t feel bad about saying no, and I was excited to say yes. Guess what? I haven’t written a blog post in about 6 months and I am 100% okay with it! It was so easy to look at my written-down list of ‘Focus 3’ and when opportunities came up that conflicted with or detracted from progress in these areas, or I could have spent my time in a different way, I felt clear about not committing. In fact, this approach made me realize how my “shiny object syndrome,” my tendency to explore every new idea that comes across my mind, makes me scattered and not focused, which means I do too many things, rather than do a few things well – and with high quality. This year included some fun events like the Making Your Mark workshop in Chicago, and creating this new website, Facebook, and Instagram, for The Knock Method! These were easy to say “yes” to because they helped me learn more about my audience for the book and help me set direction for that particular focus area.
3. I feel positive about progress, rather than a binary goal-hitting target. Most of this approach is about focusing on means (how to do something) rather than ends (did I do something or not?). While several of my ‘Focus 3’ were large, complicated, tangled challenges — in fact, I called this my year of “long hard big challenges”, I feel confident I made progress. Research, outreach to others with similar experience, trial and error, time, open-mindedness, patience, and seeking community all contributed to this progress. I’ve set direction, or put plans in place, and while they may not turn out exactly as intended, I’ve laid the groundwork, and done loads of homework to prepare for the journey towards whatever outcomes are in store.
How to Set Your ‘Focus 3’
1. Think about your big, overarching, umbrella goals.
2. Make sure they’re not too finite, leave room for discovery, breathing, and patience.
3. Use action words. Create, Choose, Identify, Find, Use.
4. Give yourself permission to change the list if some big life changes come along.
5. Try to choose 3 that will likely not change, even if things come up throughout the year.
6. Write them down with paper and pen or marker. Say them out loud. These things make them more tangible, real, and approachable.
Time to Set Another ‘Focus 3’
As another year is upon us, hopefully one with clarity and 20/20 vision ;-), it’s time to set next year’s ‘Focus 3’ and forget those New Year’s resolutions. It’s time for annual life and career planning. I’m getting ready to write mine down in ink and on paper. Are you ready too?