“What kind of toilet paper do you like?” asked my 60-year-old+ most thoughtful neighbor, JP. I paused, and then replied, “whatever they have,” realizing I don’t have much of a choice.
JP is grocery shopping this week during special hours stores are offering for more vulnerable population groups to avoid crowds and virus exposure, and help them procure basic needs. I’m an expectant mother, and due to JP’s age and underlying health conditions, he and I are both in population groups recognized by the CDC that may be at higher risk during the COVID-19 pandemic. As a result, we’re advised to take extra precautions.
I haven’t yet thought about shopping during those hours as we’re in good shape with most of our household needs and I don’t want to add more traffic to those hours for those who need it more. But, nevertheless, our sweet neighbor offered to pick up some TP for us – any kind, if they have it, of course.
New feelings, but why?
Over the past week and weekend, I, like many of you, recognized new feelings associated with this new lifestyle during the pandemic, many of which I couldn’t quite place. If you’re feeling sad or looking to take care of your mental health during this pandemic, visit these resources and these for kids. Of course, there’s the fear, the sadness, the anxiety, the concern for family, friends, and those impacted across the world. There’s also the gratitude for feeling safe and having what we need and for the good health of family and friends. I realized there’s also some frustration mixed in to this bundle of feelings, but where is it stemming from? And then it hit me when I replayed the TP conversation with JP in my head – reduced or restricted choice.
We live in a world with unbounded choice. The milk aisle itself presents varieties from dairy cows, almonds, oats, cashews, and more. And then each of those come in flavor varieties of vanilla or chocolate, not to mention the coffee creamer mashups. Not only have we been blessed with unending options, we’ve had smartphones and tools at our fingertips that help us order any of these options for delivery whenever we want it – on a specific date, or within an hour. We became accustomed to all this choice. And, over the past month, that choice has been retracted and unavailable. Enter frustration.
It’s no secret we live in a connected world that has manifested into abundance. And, we’re seeing what it’s like to live without much of that choice and availability. By the way, I’m proud of us as a community for learning to pivot and get creative with pantry ingredients and make the most of what we have, almost overnight. My Dad cooked an artichoke at home the other night (not the easiest or quickest thing to make) – likely for the first time. Go, Dad!
But, I like to understand why we might be feeling frustrated related to this reduced choice, and this new pandemic dynamic when it comes to our day-to-day consumption and lifestyle.
How we respond to choice
I did a little bit of research on choice and learned that:
- 1) We like it (duh) – we like to have options!
- 2) Too many choices make us less likely to commit because it’s harder to weigh all of the options.
- 3) Fewer options can be better for us and help us make a decision.
- 4) When we take an action or choose something (like a profession), we don’t often think of it as a choice and giving up something else.
- 5) When someone else limits our choices, we feel stuck.
Sound familiar? We like and miss our multitude of options, but it may have been making shopping harder in the first place. Having fewer options is easier for us, but we don’t like it because we are not the ones who have limited the choices, so we feel stuck, and frustrated. The silver lining here is that we learn how to live with fewer choices and amenities, and life may feel a bit simpler. We can take this time to learn how to streamline our lives and really prioritize what’s important to us and what we truly need.
A shift in behavior – what does “flatten the curve” really mean for us?
While I’m not a psychologist, I am writing a book about building positive and quality relationships. This is tippy top of my mind as our in-person interactions just rapidly dropped off, yet human connection lives on, which I thrive on – in any form. One of the research topics in my upcoming book is that of individualistic societies and collectivist societies.
Individualism, or the desire to carve our own paths, find our own voices, and be unique with our own brands, has been on the rise since the the late 1800’s and the rise of industrialism and white collar jobs. Believe it or not, this didn’t rise from social media and the Millennial population.
An individualistic society is often seen as the opposite to a collectivist society, where members prioritize the good of society as a whole over their own individual needs. BINGO! Over the past few weeks, we’ve all had to shift our mindset from our own life plans, to putting things on hold like concerts, social plans, and even in-person life events like weddings and bachelorette parties, and instead staying home, not just for our own good, even more so for the benefit of our whole society. We’ve become temporarily(?) collectivist. Although, I tend to think this will cause a more permanent shift in our behavior going forward as we think about the well-being of others more, and how our individual actions can have a positive, or detrimental, impact on others near and far.
Hang on to that individualism though
But, don’t fret! Our individualistic tendencies and thirst isn’t going away. We can still own our own voices, carve our own paths, share our own ideas, and be unique, during this wave of everyone following the same lifestyle guidance. We may all be at home, but what we do with that home time is going to be unique to us. We can use our talents to help the world – even if it’s on a zoom call. By the way, Zoom, your business must be booming!
And, even better news I uncovered during my book research, is that individualistic societies, with residents thinking about themselves, tend to be more altruistic and giving. That means, if we can understand and value the impact of us staying in place on society as a whole, we have empathy for everyone impacted by this pandemic we will overcome together. We’re all in the same boat, so we’re more willing to pick up some extra TP at the store, drop off food, and care for more vulnerable members of our community.
So, if you’re feeling a bundle of feelings like me, and frustration is in there somewhere, it might be because you can’t get your favorite bottled coffee, or your Amazon package isn’t available for a couple of weeks, and you have fewer choices. When that sets in, remember that fewer choices makes life simpler and helps ease our decision-making brain energy to free it up for things that make us feel good like being with those we love more, taking care of those end-of-to-do-list items at home, and taking a breath to take care of our health so that our society can heal and overcome the pandemic with new perspective and good health on the other side.
Stay well, and enjoy fewer choices, y’all.